Beauty of Moving On

My friend posed an interesting question last night: "A year ago, did you ever picture you would be at a rest stop in Korea eating Korean food?"

No, no I didn't. Simply, because a year ago to date, my heart was crushed by a guy I was dating. A year ago, I was devastated. A year ago, I was shell-shocked as to how a guy, who seemed to be 'crazy in love' with me, suddenly stopped those feelings and decided I wasn't good enough for his picturesque lifestyle: being an engineer, getting into the best shape of his life, driving his expensive car, and creating the perfect bachelor pad. A year ago, I was a hot mess.

A year ago, I lost sight of my goals, dreams, passions, and my sense of true beauty. I had no idea what I wanted for myself anymore. I thought I wanted a relationship and true love, but maybe those things were simply coveted because I felt I had to settle down like the rest of my peers. A year ago, I was desperate to be connected. 

I'll be honest, I was jealous half the time my roommates talked about their boyfriends or crushes; perhaps finding love was my way to relate and fit in. Not to mention, there comes a certain social pressure being the eldest child in your family. Even though no one has verbally pressured me to get married or have children, I somehow felt the silenced weight on my shoulders regardless. So, when the world around you seems to be falling in love, your heart begins to wonder when you'll jump on board as well. 

My heart wandered everywhere and anywhere; I went through multiple guy interests, had my heart crushed several times, cried many tears, ate plentiful pints of Ben & Jerry PB Banana frozen yogurt, initiated dates, cancelled dates, made awkward conversation and baked more than enough brownies for boys to put Martha Stewart to shame. My heart wanted love, and it wanted it badly. Little did I know that love just wasn't for me [yet]. Instead, there were dreams to be dreamt, goals to be completed, and adventure to be had.

There is something beautiful about moving on; it demonstrates strength, perseverance, and growth. It shows that you are capable of learning, experiencing, and changing into something bigger than yourself. Moving on is hard and not for the faint of heart. It takes time to pick up all the broken pieces, strength to pull yourself up by your bootstraps, guts to get back on the horse, and willpower to live another day. No one will ever deny your experience of moving on; we have all had our own and know full well just how gruesome it can be. Just keep swimming. Live another day. Get back on that horse. Breathe. It WILL be ok.

But, when you do move on, stop and ask yourself, where was I one year ago today? You will be amazed as to how much you have accomplished, how far you have traveled, and how beautiful your journey has become since taking that first step forward.

I am amazed and ever so grateful for my mama teaching me to be incredibly resilient, fearless, independent, strong, courageous, and curious about my world. Without her own experiences in facing the tough waters, I wouldn't have learned to be such a great swimmer. I am beyond blessed to have such great friends who shared wisdom and encouragement on my rockiest days. I am privileged to have met such amazing people in my life that serve as inspiration, strength, and cheerleaders to chase lofty dreams and pursue my heart's desire: adventure. Without any of you, I would not be on this journey to find and discover beautiful things.

So what, a year ago I didn't think I would be in Korea. A year from now, I can only imagine the adventure that is yet to come. 

And that's just okay with me.

"Miss Jenny, I would do this to the boy who broke your heart." -tighe