I've recently discovered the beauty of saying "No" in my life. No is a beautiful word. It releases energy in a cathartic way, almost as if giving the world your middle finger. It's empowering, refreshing, and releasing. It sets boundaries for you, reminding you that you simply don't have to do what it is people are demanding. Instead, it pushes you towards maintaining a standard for your wants, desires, and needs. It's okay to be selfish. Do what you want, you're a grown-up.
I've learned the beauty of saying "No" to my job, relationships, and my own thoughts. Not today! Instead of stressing myself out beyond than what I deserve; I took a mini-vacation. Granted, I just had a vacation three weeks ago; I now realize that I really need to amp my retirement plan and just not work for the rest of my life, however, this mini-vacation was unexpected. Perhaps even undeserved, but it was definitely needed for my sanity, emotional health, and physical well-being. Babies are hard work, y'all. Especially ones who are naturally stubborn, restless, and teething. Motherhood doesn't seem so appealing as of late, regardless, I just had to say "NO" to work [and life] a week ago. I know my limits and I needed to say "No" otherwise I wouldn't have been the best caretaker for Mr. H.
This mini-vacation was brought on by a breakup that came out of nowhere. We were smiling one minute, crying the next. To preserve respect of said ex-boyfriend, I won't get into details, but he apparently had WAY too much baggage for our love train. Now, it's all aboard the single train [yet again]. Life can be messy, raw, and unpredictable. Love can be even messier, more raw, and even more unpredictable. What's important is that sometimes, it just isn't your fault. Sometimes, it IS them, not you. Sometimes, they do need to be alone in order to heal their pain. This loss was needed; I realized I was settling for less than what I deserved. I needed him to say "NO" because I wasn't saying it for myself.
I've been exploring my spirituality in different outlets as of lately. I've been exploring God through forms of meditation, Yoga, chakra therapy, worship, and writing. He's met me in every place. I've become more in tune with my body, energy, and healing the very icky parts that need attention, such as standing up for myself, setting healthy boundaries, developing emotional awareness, and building solid interpersonal relationships based on trust, community, and love. Apparently my energy has been blocked in the areas of interpersonal relationships, communication, self-expression, and the freedom to be myself. It's been a very rocky process. I've startled many people by abruptly saying, "No, I just can't be present in this conversation," or simply telling them how I really feel. I'm trying to be as graceful as I can, but often, it just tumbles out of my mouth like word vomit. Yet, I would much rather offer my honest yet raw feedback than silently slip into the back. I realize that while I may be a strong woman, I hate confrontation. I don't like resolving conflict. I hate to admit I am wrong. I hate being weak. These may be faults of mine, but I'm becoming more aware by saying "No" so that I can start healing.
What if we were all more honest with one another instead of holding things in and silently suffer? I guarantee you our relationship and community with one another would be more authentic, real, honest, valuable, and more meaningful.
Does this mean that the next time we talk with another I am going to be the world's biggest jerk, say NO! and hang up the phone or walk away? No, of course not. But, I can say that I will be more present, aware, and in tune with our conversation and offer you honesty, trust, love, and as much compassion as my little heart can offer. If you show me grace, I will return it. I'm a work in progress, but aren't we all?
I've been exploring my spirituality in different outlets as of lately. I've been exploring God through forms of meditation, Yoga, chakra therapy, worship, and writing. He's met me in every place. I've become more in tune with my body, energy, and healing the very icky parts that need attention, such as standing up for myself, setting healthy boundaries, developing emotional awareness, and building solid interpersonal relationships based on trust, community, and love. Apparently my energy has been blocked in the areas of interpersonal relationships, communication, self-expression, and the freedom to be myself. It's been a very rocky process. I've startled many people by abruptly saying, "No, I just can't be present in this conversation," or simply telling them how I really feel. I'm trying to be as graceful as I can, but often, it just tumbles out of my mouth like word vomit. Yet, I would much rather offer my honest yet raw feedback than silently slip into the back. I realize that while I may be a strong woman, I hate confrontation. I don't like resolving conflict. I hate to admit I am wrong. I hate being weak. These may be faults of mine, but I'm becoming more aware by saying "No" so that I can start healing.
What if we were all more honest with one another instead of holding things in and silently suffer? I guarantee you our relationship and community with one another would be more authentic, real, honest, valuable, and more meaningful.
Does this mean that the next time we talk with another I am going to be the world's biggest jerk, say NO! and hang up the phone or walk away? No, of course not. But, I can say that I will be more present, aware, and in tune with our conversation and offer you honesty, trust, love, and as much compassion as my little heart can offer. If you show me grace, I will return it. I'm a work in progress, but aren't we all?
Standards. Keep them, memorize them, write them on your heart so that you may remind yourself time and time again; "You is smart, you is kind, you is important."
Say "No" so that others won't have to.
Say "No" so that others won't have to.
