Pick me, please.

The more I put myself out there, the more vulnerable I feel. Open, exposed, and raw for the world to see. I feel as though I am a patient laying atop a table in surgery; my guts spilling out of their once encased and safe cavity. If there is one thing I hate in life, it is being rejected. I don't like dating, job interviews, or other life events where I will be turned away. I don't like putting myself out there as it is, let alone waiting for another human being to validate me.

I'm waiting for someone to determine my worth not only in romance but now my career. 29 years old, still single, no children, unclear career goals and now recently unemployed. Talk about vulnerability. I had two job offers in the last week which I [foolishly] turned down in order to hold out for the right job. Both jobs would have at least been a source of income, yet I couldn't envision myself 100% happy. My issue is that I am tired of accepting jobs where I don't feel fulfilled or where I can't grow with the company. So, I'm extremely picky as to which company I give my heart out to these days. I'm just hoping I don't get screwed over in the process.

I thought I found my dream job last week. I interviewed and felt as though it was the job for me. It was the job where I could feel my heart tingle. I haven't even felt like that on a date. I'm not sure when an opportunity like that will come again in my life, so I am freaking out while waiting to see if I am the top candidate. I haven't heard a single word from them. I emailed them a generic thank-you letter and sent a more genuine handwritten note [just in case] in order to drive the point home that I am the best candidate for the job. Waiting is always the hardest part in any sort of life event such as this. It's hard enough in dating, let alone a job search and post-interview. Perhaps everyone is accustomed to the 3-day waiting rule? Keeping a lady in waiting seems rude.

"Pick me! Pick me! Pick me!" I just want to scream from the mountain tops that I am their person. I'm intelligent, quick-witted, hard-working, adaptable, funny, and adventurous. I know my worth! My self-esteem is at a healthy level [I worked hard to get here]. Why can't everyone [prospective employers] see that? I pace the living room. I bite my fingernails. I pray to the heavens that someone will just pick up the phone, dial my number, and excitedly offer me back to the office for another interview, dance a little in the office, and then ask me to be their #1 girl while holding a bouquet of my favorite flowers. Is that too hard to ask of the world? Have I used up all my karma?

Am I crazy?

All of the above.