Community

The need for connection and community is primal, as fundamental as the need for food, air, and water.
-Dean Ornish

As I'm preparing myself for countless job interviews, I have been learning a great deal about myself. Nothing like unemployment to allow for further introspection and rediscovery. As a former Psych student, I know my personality like the back of my hand: (E)/(I)NF(P)/(J). Man, did I love the semester where we studied personality exclusively. My nerdy little heart nearly burst in excitement.

To those of you scratching your head in bewilderment or if you have never taken a Meyers-Briggs personality test, let me explain my personality in depth:

Jen is community focused. She receives her energy from people around her yet has introverted qualities and sometimes needs a breather to relax. She prefers hiking, camping, and outdoorsy activities solo. She enjoys a good party and can socialize with others but craves intimacy, deep, and meaningful conversation with people 1:1. Jen is very intuitive. She can deeply empathize and sense what others are feeling around her. Sometimes, this can create chaos in her friendships or relationships because she knows when there is a problem and will seek to find an answer even though she was unasked. There are times where she feels people are mad at her or she did something wrong [even if untrue].

She likes to push boundaries, not because she is insensitive, because she desperately wants to fix things.... she is a helper, a fixer, a healer. She would search the ends of the earth to find a solution for her loved ones. Therefore, when her loved ones are in pain, she deeply feels the pain as well. Jen struggles with decision-making; there are times where she can fluently make decisions by logical reasoning and analysis, other times she would just prefer to not choose as she values both ends of the spectrum.

Jen fights for the underdog; she is impassioned, brave, courageous, spontaneous, carefree, spirited, and full of wanderlust. Jen thrives on adventure and dislikes monotony. She finds enjoyment in a variety of activities, hobbies, and interests... which leads to her inability to concretely pick a career path.

She is a campaigner; she advocates for all. [Find your personality/cute info-graphic cartoon here]

Jen simply wants: community.

I've come to accept it: I'm an ENFP who is just unpredictable and switches invariably with my energy and perception of the world. I'm fluid; a river wandering through the Earth that can change kinetic energy, direction, velocity, water flow rate, and discharge from start to finish. Rivers are a unique geographical feature of the Earth. Just as a river follow a path of least resistance; so do I as I approach life.

My life in Chicago has been lacking the exact thing I'm in a constant state of pursuit: community. I need people in my life. As a nanny, I am continuously investing in my "littles" and their families, but I can't exactly ask my employers to constantly hang out or go to coffee with me. Life changes you as you become married and you fill your home with children. They have different priorities; I've accepted this truth as most of my closest friends are married and on their third child now. My roommates are never home; they are busy working, dating, or fulfilling their own paths. I usually connect with them once in awhile as well as with other friends on an individual basis. Now, I am completely content with connecting with them individually as that is what my introverted heart prefers 70% of the time but I also can't neglect that 30% of my heart that longs to be a part of something.

While I lived in Korea, I was downright spoiled. I had community. It wasn't an easy search in the beginning, as making new friends in your ripe old age of late 20's isn't a natural task. However, over time, I built a wonderful, tight-knit community of fellow teachers and expats where we had one thing in common: we were all displaced from our homes [near and far]. We bonded over being expats, then teachers, then insert your common hobby here [_____]. We built a life together, became each other's families; a community of wild-eyed adventurers tackling Korea together. Then I packed up my suitcase because I saw life moving quickly before my eyes back home: siblings graduating, friends getting married, friends having babies, loved ones moving, everything changing without me. 

Now I'm in Chicago. With any adventure of mine, it hasn't been easy. This city has definitely eaten me up and spit me out on the pavement. As I reflect on my time here, I can't but help think, why on Earth did I move here? Your community is back home. Your people are not here. Why would you forsake everything you came back home for in order to begin a new life in Chicago? As I've said before, I struggle wholeheartedly with the decision making process. I always second-guess my so-called intuition and it bites me in the ass. [Just ask me about my multiple lock-outs and loss of licenses because I second guessed myself]. My wanderlust kicked in and saw an opportunity for a new journey, so naturally I packed up and headed for Chicago.

Change is hard to accept. As I'm on my path for [another] soul-searching endeavor, I need to accept that people change; they move away, they get married, they have babies, they evolve, grow, and find new paths. Regardless of the miles, I will always have my Korean community, my Minneapolis community, and soon to be my Chicago community. I need to look at it with new [fresh] perspective. I need to spend more time looking inward as to how I can change to keep up with my community.

As I reflect on being home for nearly a year now, I've set some new goals for myself.

1. Become a part of a Yoga community-  I've found an Ashram where I'm excited to seek out meditation, relaxation, and a healthy lifestyle. I'll be slowly changing my eating habits and eradicating unhealthy foods/drinks that have been polluting my body.
2. Run for enjoyment- While living in Korea, there was an amazing path/wooded lake area that I miss but I hope to find that same enjoyment while running through some of Chicago's parks. I hope to not focus on weight loss like I have in the past but simply enjoying the sound of my foot hitting the pavement and building a natural rhythm.
3. Read more- I've unfortunately developed what I call "screen induced ADHD." Quite simply: I spend too much time looking at my phone and less time picking up a real book. Because the internet has condensed everything for us in 180 characters or less, we have unfortunately built this habit of skimming things and not paying 100% to the words or content.
4. Adopt a dog- A lot of my friends have shared the emotional and psychological benefits of having a pet [more so a dog]. I miss having a four-legged friend in my life, and I feel that the act of caring for something else besides myself could be beneficial and self-soothing at the same time. Of course, my responsible side kicked in and has made finding a job my #1 priority, but a dog comes in as my #2 priority.
5. Volunteer- "I believe that to meet the challenge of our times, human beings will have to develop a greater sense of universal responsibility. We must all learn to work not just for our own self, family, or nation but for the benefit of all humankind. Universal responsibility is the key to human survival. It is the best foundation for world peace, the equitable use of natural resources, and through concern for future generations, the proper care of the environment."- The Dalai Lama

So, Mom, you were right: I do need to get out, be active, and volunteer.