As I finished my last breakfast under the sun with its rays bouncing off the cool blue waters of my hostel's pool, I couldn't help but dream about staying in the Philippine warmth forever. Perhaps it's because I was facing the reality of my last day of vacation, or the fact that it was nearly 40 degrees colder back home in Seoul, or maybe it was because I was
not ready to handle the hustle and bustle of my ordinary life. It's true what they say,
it's more fun in the Philippines.
My trip to the Philippines was more than
incredible. I hate to be cheesy and emulate such a hippy lifestyle; but my trip was filled with self-awakening, liberation, and life-changing moments that not only challenged me but revealed wounds that needed to be healed and resolved. Insecurity, loneliness, fear, anxiety, and the need for control were forcibly left at various stops on my trip.
Let me tell you my biggest secret: I had no plans for this trip. Only ideas.
A pocketful of ideas at most with majority of my trip relying on the good nature of the Filipino people. I had a list of destinations in mind such as Manila, trekking in Northern Zambales, visiting Lake Taal, and possibly boating to Boracay, but other than this list, I had no hotels booked, no tickets, and no set itinerary. I only had ideas of things to see and do. The rest of my trip would rely on social networking, blogs, and my most important resource: the locals. What better way to travel than to reach out for the kindness and humanity in people around you? I wanted to experiment with being dependent on others.
Sometimes, we become so self-involved and independent that we forget to communicate and interact with each other, and in result, we miss out on great connections and opportunities to learn more about others. Has it become such a foreign concept for us to simply walk up to a fellow human being and ask, "Could you please help me find the train station?" Here's the mind-blowing result: people
will help you. I wanted to see how far I could go, what kinds of relationships I could build, and to restore my faith in the humanity of others.
You may be asking yourself, but isn't traveling alone dangerous?
Of course it is! I'm not entirely naive or starry-eyed because I do realize the dangerous implications of a single woman (or man) traveling alone. There is vulnerability, risk, and danger in anyone traveling alone
but these risks are amplified if you are not aware of your surroundings or if you are unprepared. As a woman of the 21st-century, I do feel that it's not only smart but also crucial to be adequately prepared and full of resources while doing any sort of traveling. However, I do encourage throwing out the rulebook once in awhile to see where life takes you.
For my trip to the Philippines, I had most preparations taken care of such as clothing for various climates, food needed for my time spent camping and backpacking, and necessary funds (although I did experience a slight underestimation) to get me through my trip. I did some research on the appropriate taxis, wildlife, terrain, weather and the different modes of transportation in the inner city of Manila and its countryside. I utilized various recommendations such as previous travel blogger itineraries, became friends with fellow travelers, and simply interacted with Filipinos. Not all of my problems were solved instantaneously and more often than not, I had to learn how to let go and be comfortable with the result no matter the circumstance.
Losing control to let go.
I'm not going to lie; there were events where I was not as prepared as I would have liked. I ran out of money towards the end of my trip, missed several of my scheduled bus trips, wasn't able to visit Boracay, I lost a day of traveling to wandering the streets of Manila in search of camping gear, got lost several times, and my personal favorite: I had to employ my trusty S.O.S. whistle during a slightly scary confrontation. [Thanks a lot to my guy friends for making fun of my whistle days before my trip].
There where moments where I had to value my safety over travel plans such as staying at my hostel an extra night and doing a day trip the next day instead. Sometimes, I had to prioritize my budget and cut expenses that I didn't necessarily want to but
needed to in order to stay on track and get out of the country [alive]. Even with cutting expenses, I
still ran out of pesos because I forgot I had to reserve 550 pesos ($12) to cover my airport tax. Basically, I was left with 10 pesos (.22 cents) to take a train that dropped me off in the
vicinity of the airport thus leaving me to my own demise as I hitchhiked, played leapfrog across busy highways, and hoping that I would make it to the correct terminal on time. Thankfully, I found a shuttle bus and a very kind Korean man paid for my bus fare because I lived in the same country as him. You can't make this stuff up when I travel. Adventure is around every corner.
These chaotic bumps would have thrown anyone off (and myself) but I had to find the mindset to keep pushing on and simply let go of my need to control everything.
I needed to lose control in order to let go.
Sometimes things don't go accordingly to plan. Sometimes all the preparations in the world will still leave you stranded, broke, and in despair. Life just
happens. It's the reaction that counts. When I let my guard down and simply let go of my obsession/need to control things, I found better solutions. I found myself in a better place mentally, physically, and spiritually. The tension released and I was able to relax and be more apt to go with the flow. I felt this huge pressure lifted off my shoulders; I didn't feel the need to be perfect anymore. I learned to let things go and be comfortable with any outcome.
Deep breath, life
will be okay in the good
and the bad.
Being alone yet not lonely.
"You're traveling alone?"
"Aren't you scared?"
"Where are your friends?"
"Why are you alone?"
"Are you crazy?"
People asked me these questions non-stop. Well intended questions that I'm sure people didn't think were offensive or condescending, but in the end, their doubt made me question my being and ability as a woman to travel alone for 7 days. What is so crazy about the idea of solitude, peace, and inner reflection? What is dangerous about the thought of a strong, intelligent, resourceful and capable 21st century woman wandering a foreign country to her heart's desire? When I was asked these questions by strangers, it was hard to admit that I was traveling alone. Solo. All by myself. Table for one. I had to remind myself that traveling alone wasn't a reflection that I was without friends or incapable of making [new] friends, rather it was just a factor at the
moment. My friends just happened to be in Thailand, Korea, and the U.S. Nobody really cared about
who, or
where my friends were, rather they cared more about
why they weren't there and
why was I traveling alone? So, I told them: I wanted to explore, volunteer, and truly learn more about others and myself. People respected my response yet still raised their eyebrows as if traveling alone was
still crazy. Maybe I am.
If anything, traveling alone provided me an incredible opportunity to refresh my skills in starting conversations and asking questions that
mattered and allowing for insightful answers. I also learned how to swallow my insecurities and fears of social anxiety. Actually, the more I practiced, the more I felt at ease and comfortable with myself. There were also incredible moments throughout my trip where I received overwhelming hospitality, friendship, and kindness. From random strangers helping me get around the city to a family welcoming me as a guest to their celebration to taking naps and sharing snacks with random strangers on the bus; I'd say I was
never without company.
Deep breath, you are
never alone.
I proved to myself I have what it takes to travel alone and be comfortable with myself. I learned security in being an individual. I explored solitude,
not loneliness. I read books, wrote stories, and sat in silence with my own thoughts. I ate dessert for breakfast and no one judged me. I didn't shower or feel the need to impress people. I didn't wear make-up for four days straight. I wore my swimsuit and didn't care how pale I looked on the beach. I slept in and took naps at my pleasure. I climbed mountains and
found myself among the wild things.
Being alone meant doing things whenever and however I wanted. Call me selfish, but I liked not having to please anyone or do things other people wanted. I could make my own decisions, discover consequences and make my own mistakes. I could go at my own pace and not check in with others [although I did have to tell my Mom that I was alive every now and then]. I could talk to myself aloud and have conversations with myself in order to better
understand myself. You think it's weird? Let me ask you this... Have you ever had a conversation with yourself? I guarantee that you will have these amazing epiphanies you never knew you could have until you hear your thoughts audibly. Or maybe that's just my schizophrenia....
The beauty of being alone...
Traveling alone builds independence. It provides this wonderful experience that shapes you, challenges you, and inspires you to be your own teacher. You learn to do things for yourself, to love yourself for who you are, to be comfortable in your own skin, and to actually open your eyes and
see the world. How many times do you really pay attention to your surroundings when you're with other people? Not often because you are likely distracted by conversation, actions, or some detailed plan of what to do next. You are too busy rushing off to the next thing instead of taking a deep breath in front of the ocean, throwing a rock into the air and watching it cascade into the deep blue sea with the smallest splash. You become enamored with company as you are lifting your glasses at the bar instead of lying on the beach, staring at the stars and hearing the waves crash up and around your ankles. You become distracted with sightseeing, trying the latest food, and doing the coolest activity instead of sitting on a crowded bus, breathing in the countryside air, and marveling at the mountains in the distances all while sharing pork rinds with your new bus friends.
Life slows down when you're alone. You become more attentive, alert, and open to the experiences around you. You stop taking things for granted. Your heart becomes tender, vulnerable, and eager to explore. The world becomes your playground and you are suddenly excited to run, jump, and play without reservation. You become a person of adventure; ready to face life and the risks all around you.
Deep breath, being alone is
okay and quite
beautiful.
Mabuhay.
